WILLINGNESS
That's right. The main ingredient in every successful client of mine is willingness.
It's what I'm looking for from the word 'go,' before a client actually becomes a client. I'm gauging a person's willingness from our very first interaction, all the way through our initial coaching conversation, and oftentimes well into our coaching relationship.
Sometimes I even test a client's willingness by proposing an edgy challenge or giving an assignment that borders on the absurd.
I don't secretly enjoy anyone's discomfort! What I do enjoy, however, is helping a client see where there's room for them to grow. Where they might be unknowingly locked into a way of doing or being. Where they can become even more willing—and not just in deed, but in spirit.
Why willingness?
Well, without willingness, we don't have a coaching program—we have a tug-of-war. And tug-of-war isn't cute on anyone except a toddler. (Even then, 'cute' can be a bit of an overstatement. IYKYK.) But toddlers always get a pass when it comes to this; they're pretty much wired to resist any and all efforts to push or pull them along.
So, then: What do I mean by willingness, in the context of coaching?
I see it as a kind of flexibility. An openness to new thinking. Being receptive to suggestions and welcoming help when it's offered.
Willingness has movement. It tries one thing today, because that’s what the occasion calls for—and then it tries something else tomorrow, if that’s what’s needed.
It doesn't stay put; never digs its heels in (or if it does, it's willing to examine why that was the default reaction).
Willingness knows it doesn't know everything. Willingness is open to the fact that it might even know nothing!
It doesn’t need to prove itself or be right. No, it won't let ego get in the way like that (in fact, it pretty much drops ego altogether, knowing that ego can’t help but get in the way).
Willingness has an easy curiosity to it; it can show up playfully, with a light heart. Willingness embraces experimentation as a necessary part of the process.
Don’t get me wrong: Willingness can get frustrated. Willingness is no stranger to disappointment. Willingness is not always (or even often) easy to maintain.
But willingness stays in the game, no matter what.
My very best, most successful clients are willing, time and again, to become whomever they need to be to go after and get whatever it is they want.
Some questions for you to consider
Whether or not you're thinking of working with a coach, you can ask yourself all kinds of questions to get a sense of your own willingness. Call to mind a specific situation—a problem, a place of stuckness—and see what comes up when you work through this line of inquiry.
Are you willing…
to think about it (whatever your "it" is) differently?
to do it differently?
to be wrong?
to rewrite an old pattern?
to not have all the answers?
to ask more questions?
to do it badly?
to tell on yourself when you're not feeling particularly willing?
to give it everything you've got?
to see yourself in a new way?
to change?
to expect nothing?
to be uncomfortable?
to keep trying?
to drop your stories about how life is, how you are, how "they" are?
What do you think?
Are you surprised to learn that willingness is the only truly essential trait in a coaching client? Drop me a comment below and let's discuss.