Dear Helen,
How do I go on a digital diet? I waste way too much time on my iPad, scrolling social media and playing games and not getting other things done. It feels like a problem.
Thank you!
Captive Audience
Dear Captive Audience,
You don't need a digital diet. You don't need a schedule or a timer or any other kind of strategy.
What you might want to try is feeling what wants to be felt.
The feelings that come up right before you find yourself reaching for the iPad or staying on the iPad far beyond what feels useful or fun.
Are you bored? Restless? Uncomfortable?
Are you seeking a distraction? A hit of dopamine? An avenue for procrastination?
Slow down a minute.
Try digging deeper than words. After all, what even is boredom or restlessness? How do you know you're uncomfortable?
They're abstractions, those terms. They're not made of anything. Our mind slaps them like labels onto what we're experiencing, but underneath them are actual feelings. As in, felt sensations. Wordless. Without stories or meaning.
When you dig deeper than those words, maybe you'll notice a tightness in your chest or a whooshing in your belly. Maybe there's a buzzing in your ears. A tense throat. Something rising up inside you.
Tingling, hollowness, a lump, radiating heat.
Some energy, somewhere in your body, making itself known.
Feel it. Notice the sensations. Stay with the sensations.
What if you feel the actual sensations in your body for just a moment before picking up the iPad?
Probably your mind will be quick to attach a story to the sensation. It might be quick to use the sensations as proof of something. But that's just the mind's chatter. What we're really interested in here is the feelings in or on your body.
We are designed to feel, and no feeling is actually unbearable. The narrative our mind weaves about the sensation is often more uncomfortable than the sensation itself.
And that's something minds are really good at: attaching a story or an autopilot action to a felt sensation. I'd venture to say that for most of us, it's habitual.
So, you feel the tensing up of your throat...and your mind jumps in and says, Reach for the iPad. That'll fix this.
And it does, in a sense. At least, in that it distracts you away from feeling the feeling that popped up just before.
Problem is, you find yourself scrolling mindlessly, endlessly...for what? To avoid feeling a fleeting sensation that didn't necessarily mean anything in the first place? A feeling that was perfectly safe to feel, but that your mind interpreted as not okay or a thing to avoid?
You can see how you might inadvertently spend a lot of time trying not to feel, yeah?
So, I'm advocating for welcoming the feelings.
For keeping the stories at bay and focusing on the felt sensations.
For pausing, giving yourself a moment to tune into your body...and then, who cares what you ultimately do.
If you pick up the iPad or scroll for another hour or two, it doesn't actually matter (though your mind will likely berate you for this; hilarious, of course, because it's the same mind that convinced you you couldn't handle the feelings in the first place!).
Giving yourself the chance to feel the feelings that come right before your scrolling habit—that's what matters.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Helen