I read something last week, a sentiment I've heard many times, but that hit me differently just lately.
"Our flaws make us who we are. Embrace your imperfections!"
And I get what the person meant.
Don't hate on yourself for your perceived shortcomings. Those things are part of your humanness. Celebrate your flaws because they make you, YOU. They make you unique.
But I think we might have a bit of a false premise here.
Let me explain.
As I see it, who we are goes far beyond anything we might consider to be flaws.
Even the word "flaws" betrays a mind's story at work. "Flaws" is a concept. It's an intangible judgment. We don't have flaws. We have a mind that labels things. A mind that decides certain things are good or bad, strength or weakness, honorable or shameful, and on and on.
Who we are precedes our personality, psychology, experience, history, even our genetics. Who we are is deeper than our thoughts, feelings, moods, behaviors. Who we are is consciousness. An intangible presence. A container or a space or a backdrop in which things (our psychology, behaviors, experiences) unfold and fluctuate all the time.
Who we are is far bigger and more expansive than anything we might identify as being "us" or about us.
So, there's that.
Then there's this idea of imperfections.
And again, all I hear is a mind with a label maker.
Who are we to judge anything as imperfect?
I'll say that again louder for the folks in the back.
Who are we to judge anything as imperfect?
And, really, how could we possibly know that anything is imperfect?
What, but a mind, could judge something to be imperfect?
There's no alternate reality where we're better or different.
There's only what's here, what's showing up, right now.
So, what's here has to be perfect. What's showing up now, all of it, has to be perfect. There's nothing to compare it to; there's nothing else it could have been.
Are you following me?
When we compare what's here to something that doesn't exist, except for in our minds, we suffer. We believe that reality is wrong, that life got it wrong, and that there's a better option that could have been. But how could we know better than life? How could we possibly say that what's here, that who and how we are, is not how it's supposed to be?
So, when I read that sentiment about flaws and imperfections—even as it encourages this positive, accepting attitude toward them—all I can think is: There's no such thing.
Because what I now know to be true is this: Despite what we've been told since we were little, there is such a thing as a perfect person.
It's you.
And me.
All of us.
What's perfect is what is. You and me as we are. Whatever shows up and however it shows up.
What do you think?
Tell me what's coming up for you. Has this take on perfection sparked anything for you? Still convinced you could be better or different?
Drop a comment below and let's discuss. (I always reply to your comments, though Squarespace doesn't seem to ping you after I've done so 🤔, so be sure to check back here after a few days.)