I'm going to cut right to the chase here and say something controversial, but, nevertheless, true:
It isn't important or essential to have goals.
!!!
Don't get me wrong: Goals and goal-setting really work for some people. These folks derive a lot of satisfaction from training their eyes on a specific outcome and then working toward it.
But, by the same token, goal-setting can spell trouble for many of us.
When is goal-setting troublesome?
When we make our goal/goal achievement a contingency for our happiness, we set ourselves up to suffer.
This kind of goal-setting looks like choosing outcomes because you believe they will give you some feeling that you're currently lacking. In coaching terms, this is an example of an outside-in approach.
For instance, if you think happiness comes from losing weight or becoming a published author or hitting a specific salary threshold, and you set a goal accordingly, one of a few things will happen:
You become so hell-bent on achieving your particular goal that you're absolutely miserable in the process. Working toward it feels laborious, a total slog, and no part of this quest after happiness via your goal is actually bringing you any happiness.
You reach your goal and, within a short time, you wonder, Is this it? You return to feeling however you felt before, because happiness isn't embedded in anything external. It can't be; feelings don't work like that. (You might fight me on this and say, "Yeah, but when I started making $100K, I really did become happier," and I'd say, "That's great! I'm happy for you. But it wasn't the money or the goal achievement that made you happy; it was whatever you were thinking about the money or the goal achievement that inspired your happiness.")
You don't reach your goal and you beat yourself up for it. You use this failure as proof of your many character defects, and you feel even less happy than you did before you began your pursuit.
When it's outside-in like this, goal-setting doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
When might you want to play with goal-setting?
When it feels good, fun, interesting, or exciting to pursue something, you might find yourself dreaming up a goal.
This kind of goal-setting looks like going after something because you want to do it, and because it feels good in the moment. You don't need it, whatever 'it' is, to feel any type of way, because all feelings come from thoughts alone. In coaching terms, this is an example of an inside-out approach.
You want to see what it's like to complete a marathon, and it feels so good to run, so you sign up for one that's a year out and begin weekly training.
You think NaNoWriMo sounds like a cool challenge, and you've always loved to write, so you commit to writing a draft of a novel in a month's time.
The idea of doubling your income seems outrageous and delightful and, somehow, unlocks a bunch of creative ideas inside you, so you take it on for fun.
Since your emotional state is generated from your thinking, and your thinking changes no matter what's going on in the external world (that's the nature of thinking), goals and goal achievement aren't needed to feel good. In fact, they can't make you feel good. They can prompt thoughts that cause you to feel good (or not so good), but they can't, in and of themselves, create a feeling within you.
It's only when your emotional okay-ness isn't at risk that goals can be what they're supposed to be—that is, truly playful activities you can engage with throughout the game of life.
Whether or not you meet you goals doesn't matter. Nothing whatsoever is riding on them.
When it's inside-out like this, goal-setting is light and fun. Goals are changeable and even abandon-able, and if you do stick with and meet a goal, hooray! An added bonus.
Will you get what you want in life if you don't set any goals?
I don't know if you'll get what you want in life, but here's the thing: It isn't goals that get you what you want anyway.
Operating in and from the present moment is more likely to get you what you want. (This, in contrast to living in the past or the future—which is to say, living in your thoughts.)
From the present moment, you can make decisions that are rooted in what you want; you have the freedom to change your mind (in other words, the goal isn't in charge around here); and you're flexible and responsive to what presents itself in any given moment.
Life is happening all the time, regardless of your intentions, goals, efforts, and plans. You're not making life happen, no matter how much you feel like you are, or like you have to.
Don't you need to know what you want in order to move forward in life? Isn't defining what you want worthwhile?
Life moves you forward whether or not you know what you want (or think you do).
It's not your job to move life forward.
And, in fact, nothing you do actually moves life forward.
We're all presented with opportunities of all kinds, all the time. We have gut feelings about things—we think, Yes, I want that, or No, thanks; I'll pass, about a myriad of things all the livelong day. We don't need to do a whole lot of digging to unearth our true wants in life. We just kind of know what sounds good to us in the moment, and we go off and do it.
So, defining what you want isn't not worthwhile...but I wouldn't say it's categorically worth everyone's while. Maybe it's better to say: It's worthwhile if it's worth your while. In other words, you do you.
A five-year plan is great if that works for you. If you can truly see it as a game, if your grip on it is light (all the better if it's nonexistent), if you know it won't actually bring you any feeling—super, wonderful, carry on!
But if it doesn't occur to you to make one, or if you just think you should have one, because it seems like all the successful people do (they don't), skip it. You'll do just fine in life by operating in the present moment alone, figuring it all out as you go. We are designed to work this way.
What do you think?
How do you feel about goal-setting? Do you believe goals are necessary to your success and happiness? Or are you someone who hasn't really ever set a goal and doesn't intend to? Share with me in the comments below.