This week does not locate me in an airport, which feels like it should be an improvement for my writing process, but actually has me a bit stuck at the moment (no doubt, Parkinson's law is in full effect). So, I'm going to propose an idea, give myself a small challenge, do something that makes me uncomfortable because I'm a not-so-closeted perfectionist aiming to find satisfaction with "good enough," with slow-cooking, with seeking and not-knowing. I'm setting a timer for one hour and then clicking 'send' no matter the state of this letter. Ready? Ready. [60:00]
I feel as though last week was a big learning week for me. If I look closely, most weeks have a whole bunch of lessons woven tightly through them, but last week seemed to present me with one bright learning opportunity after another, no seam-ripping or hemming and hawing necessary. The brightest? They might look a little messy (they're not completely formed, let alone completely digested), but here goes:
BE | TRY | ASK. These have hidden wings. Last week, I found that being myself is enough. I got a little chatty on Twitter (thought I'd never get on board with that platform, and maybe it's my Siren song and I'll regret this, but I seem to be on board...for now), and realized that being myself takes most of the anxiety out of social media. I imagined I was speaking to my friends, and, somehow, this resulted in being retweeted, having a few fun exchanges, and even connecting with a couple women I really admire (one, I've followed online for years and regard as an internet celebrity!). Trying is always better than not trying. It's simple, almost too simple, so I usually forget it or sort of pretend that past events have taught me otherwise. But, when I'm not keeping scoring of past events, I realize that I'd always rather try to make the friend than stop short of my desire. (Speaking of, that artist with whom I connected a couple weeks back? I forgot to tell you that when I first reached out to her via email, shy and shaky as anything and pretty transparent about that fact, she replied: "I'd love to meet you. Never be too shy to ask for anything you want. I'm glad you emailed.") In general, asking is difficult for me (and I trust I'm not alone on that one). I fear that my asking is putting someone out. Giving him or her extra work. Making waves instead of going with the flow, and all that. [30:26—insert expletive of your choosing] At the AT&T store this past weekend, I asked for information about replacing the glass film that protects the screen of my phone. Mine got badly scratched and began to chip in two places, sharp nicks that caught my finger on a few occasions. I knew it could be replaced for free if I hopped online and registered the product, but we saw an AT&T location and thought we'd try our luck at getting a replacement in-person. Oh boy, the asking was intensely uncomfortable for me! It should be noted, though, that before I even made my ask, the sales associate offered to ask his manager about replacing the glass film in-store instead of online—still, it absolutely unnerved me to request something that seemed exceptional, a definite rule-bending, a favor I didn't earn. [15:22] I squirmed as we waited near a holiday display of activity trackers. "I don't want to make trouble," I announced, rather obviously. My Love Interest was supportive and reminded me that asking, in and of itself, doesn't hurt anything. Not unlike the act of seeking, the act of staying curious and not being attached to a specific outcome, asking is a palms-open approach. It says, I am ready and willing to receive. It indicates a gentle receptivity to what is and what might be. So, that's where I've landed since last we spoke. Still forming, still digesting, but it feels like a lot of good-shifting.
What winged lessons have you learned in the past week? Hit 'reply' and share with me. [5:23—phew! Now, subject line and 'send'!]
'Til soon,
Helen
Notes from the week of November 29
DISCOVERED
+ Steal Like An Artist & Show Your Work! by Austin Kleon
+ "Problems of output are problems of input"
ADMIRED
+ Jen Lee's writing on "demystifying the process"
+ the easiness of the conversations on the Just Between You & Me podcast
MEALS EATEN, DRINKS DRUNK
+ gingerbread men
+ Clancy's 2011 red blend (experimenting with highly rated, but inexpensive, wines—this is a great one)
+ spinach & black bean quesadillas (on the George Foreman)
BOOKMARKED (HAVEN'T READ, WANT TO READ)
+ Maps of the Imagination: The Writer As Cartographer by Peter Turchi
+ A Muse and a Maze: Writing as Puzzle, Mystery, and Magic by Peter Turchi
+ The Puzzle Instinct: The Meaning of Puzzles in Human Life by Marcel Danesi
CURIOSITIES DISPLAYED
+ more than a dozen little bottle brush trees—above the microwave, along the spice rack, everywhere (they make me inexplicably happy)
+ sprigs of felted mistletoe
COINCIDENCES NOTED
+ I remembered & finally hunted down this charming piece on taking care of your notebook
+ then happened to scan Twitter, where I found this piece on the importance of the notebook (via Addie K. Martin)
+ then spent some time reading Ann Wood's latest newsletter, which linked to this post of hers on recording your good ideas, and sent me down a rabbit hole, reading her older posts on keeping notebooks, such as this post and this one, too
+ which reminded me of the oft-quoted & delicious essay by Joan Didion