We all have moments when we really and truly, desperately and absolutely don't want to do something—change a bad habit, initiate a big life change, perform some dull but essential task.
Not-wanting-to often takes on a life of its own, giving us the impression that the stakes are higher: There's something wrong with us, we're stuck, we have a defect or a capital-P problem that needs solving.
Really, though, there's just a lot of brain chatter happening. Not much else.
Not-wanting-to is a normal thought experience for a mind to create. It doesn't mean we lack discipline or willpower; it doesn't mean we're lazy; nothing is actually broken here.
If you find yourself not wanting to do something—and then feeling all kinds of feelings about the not-wanting-to—here are seven ideas for you. Some are actions, some are inactions, and still others are philosophies to try on for size.
Acquiesce to your “I-don’t-want-to” for a set amount of time—say, an afternoon. Then, tomorrow, do the thing you didn’t want to do today.
Don’t do the thing you don’t want to do. Ever. That’s it—simply don’t do it and see what happens. You might be surprised to learn that there's actually very little we have to do. Sure, there are consequences for not doing certain important things—some of them rather unpleasant. In terms of our survival, however, there's not a whole lot we must do. See what happens if you don't do the thing you don't want to do.
Decide to just do the thing right now. Decide that wanting to or not wanting to is beside the point. You don’t need to want to do something in order to do it. Feel your feelings of not-wanting-to, and then recognize that you don’t actually need to feel a certain way in order to do much of anything.
Figure out why you don’t want to do the thing. See if you can uncover the thought that’s at play there. No need to change it or challenge it. Just bring the ever-awesome practice of awareness into the picture. What insights emerge when you expand "I don't want to," into "I don't want to, because"?
Determine the smallest possible step you can take to make an inroad. For now, do that and nothing more.
Hold yourself and this experience lightly. Stop making your not-wanting-to mean anything. What if, like all the other thoughts that pass through your head, this one is just another momentary visitor? What if you could feel it, think it, but not hold on to it so tightly—so that, when it's ready, it can carry on and not be a whole Thing that you've adopted for your own?
Recognize that desire is not a fixed state. Leave the possibility open that what you don't want to do today, you may very well grow into wanting to do at some point in the future.
Let me know if any of these speak to you more than the others. And do you have a technique for navigating your own I-don't-want-tos? Add to the conversation in the comments section below.