For a good long while, you might be creating blindly.
You might be training blindly. Surviving blindly. Building blindly.
You might be nurturing blindly. Recovering blindly. Working blindly.
You might be __________ blindly.
Fill in the blank with your current effort, whatever it might be.
You’re not seeing any evidence of progress.
You’re not getting signals that let you know you're on the right track.
You’re skeptical of whether anything at all is happening.
At points, you feel irritated, discouraged, clueless, uncertain, abnormal, stuck, or frustrated. Certainly you feel several of these, maybe even concurrently.
All this might be true, and still—it doesn't mean something isn't unfolding beyond what you’re able to witness right now.
I'm not suggesting you have faith. I'm not suggesting you believe in something, anything, that you can’t see. And I'm not telling you to place your trust outside yourself. (I'm also not suggesting you avoid doing any these things. You do you.)
I'm simply saying:
You might be so focused on requiring proof in order to keep going, in order to show up with some degree of enthusiasm, in order to not be miserable day-in and day-out, that you’ve forgotten just how unknowable most of life is.
You’ve forgotten that most things we work on for any length of time don’t come with built-in along-the-way encouragement. That isn’t personal! It’s simply how life works. And when you insist on something that just isn’t possible, you make it harder for yourself to show up at all.
You have to want the thing you’re after more than you need pep talks, signs from the universe, and incentivizing breadcrumbs.
You have to be okay with going at it blindly for an indeterminate amount of time.
At some point, more will be revealed to you. Of this we can be certain. Either the funding won’t come through and you’ll know it’s time to course correct and find a new job; or after running every week, your pants will suddenly require the use of a belt (which might then need to be cinched tighter and tighter as time passes); or you’ll lift your head from your desk one evening and realize you don’t know whether or not this project of yours will take off like gangbusters, but you’re sure as hell having a lot of fun getting lost in it every day.
You’ll know what you need to do next—whether it’s something different, more of the same, or irrelevant because you’re not in it for an outcome (always the holy grail of mindsets).
And in the meantime, the unknowability won’t kill you. It might just feel really uncomfortable, especially if you’re hyper-focused on fighting it every step of the way, needing it to be somehow different than what it is.
Take a deep breath.
You have no idea what’s happening beyond whatever it is you’re doing when you show up today.
Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s something. Maybe it really doesn’t matter.