What if the dog really did eat your homework? Are you supposed to make up a different excuse? Are you supposed to offer a caveat before you tell the truth? And isn't 'excuse' the wrong word entirely? 'Reason' feels better, less guilty, more of an accounting of why. But, 'excuse'? Now, that just sounds like you don't even believe yourself.
Herewith are some reasons I might give to explain a) why this issue of Weekly Findings is so tardy, and b) why I'm going to have to make this quick:
1. There's an unbearably itchy, wickedly splotchy, hot red rash covering 75% of my body. I want to peel off my skin and run a boar bristle brush over it until this feeling relents.
2. I have the flu. Apparently, different bodies manifest the virus in different ways. Mine just so happens to paint itself an abstract blush, then set fire to the design immediately, all while pouring ant colonies down the front and back of my skin suit. A real performance piece, if you will.
3. I'm on a lot of drugs right now. Tamiflu, for starters, plus Methylprednisolone and Hydroxyzine. We stopped by one of those handy pop-up clinics at the pharmacy where a pair of nurse practitioners assessed my tired, flushed body and prescribed me things to make it better. This is probably just my fever talking, but, right now, I'd love nothing more than to curl up and sleep in a warm car for an entire afternoon with someone feeding me ice chips. Or, as the case may be, a hotel bed.
4. We're stranded in a hotel room (well, sort of). We took the RV in for an oil change and some important maintenance, and—thanks to a pharmacy mix-up—couldn't make it back to the service center, which is located fewer than ten miles down the road, before they closed their gates at 7 p.m. (It felt a bit like I imagine it would feel to miss curfew.) I suppose it would've been a little strange to be tucked up in our RV this evening, sleeping in a gated and barbed-wired Freightliner facility until morning, like some sketchy, bubble-packed import. Instead, we're in a hotel, our fifth night in a hotel in seven days, having spent a long celebratory weekend in Texas.
5. My Love Interest and I eloped on Friday! I've got so much more to share about this—but, for now, just this happy-making shot of us on the steps of the Tarrant County Courthouse in Fort Worth, TX:
That last one isn't a reason or an excuse or a caveat. It's just the best thing about this past week—indeed, about all the weeks that have preceded it. Time to go to bed with my in-sickness-and-in-health partner.
'Til soon (hopefully less itchy),